How can I overcome my fear of confrontation?
What is it that has you so afraid of addressing an issue and confronting someone with what you know to be in the best interest of all?
I’ll answer this question for you and you let me know if any of these reasons resonate with you.
You are afraid because:
You don’t want to upset anyone.
You are afraid it won’t make a difference so why bother.
You are worried that you will say it in the wrong way and make things worse.
You believe you will be judged and made wrong.
You think it will open up a can of worms that will lead to more confrontation.
You don’t want to feel rejected.
You don’t want to take a new level of responsibility for your life because it will require more work.
You feel undeserving of getting your needs met and creating a resolution.
As you can see, all of the above are based in fear. AND, none of the above are true, however, you are making them true! Fear is what blocks you from moving forward in your life and creating the life that you desire. Notice how long you’ve been driven by these fear based thoughts and beliefs and what it is costing you in terms of self esteem, peace, joy and confidence!
The first question you must ask yourself is whether or not you are willing to do something different with your fear because right now this fear of confrontation will keep you in a state of paralysis. Paralysis might give you the illusion of comfort and familiarity, however, the more you live in that comfort zone, the more uncomfortable you will become.
So are you really ready to do something different with your fear? If you are, here’s an exercise that I know works:
Go back and read the bullet points above and choose which statement best describes your mindset around your fear of confrontation. Write it down.
Make a list of all the potential outcomes you are afraid of because of this belief or beliefs. For example, if you chose “You believe you will be judged and made wrong,” If I’m made wrong, then I will feel even worse about myself. I will feel alone, unlovable and incapable of improving my life and relationships. If I’m judged then I will have to give up. (As you make your list, notice how much fear is entangled in these thoughts and beliefs and how long you have felt it.)
Make another list as if you had absolutely no fear around confrontation. Include in the list all the potential new outcomes you will have access to? What new feelings might be available?
Spend some time noticing the feelings you have while reading each list. You already know which list you want to live by, so now you get to decide if you are ready and willing.
If you are, take a look at what support you might need to address your situation. Perhaps it’s support around communicating in the most effective way possible. Or perhaps receiving some coaching around the best strategy for you.
And then last, spend some time noticing how your fear of confrontation is ego based and self focused. Shifting your fear into courage is about being a contribution. It’s about letting go of playing small and stepping into the most magnificent you, which always affects everyone around you.
Isn’t it time? Aren’t you tired of feeling stuck in your fear?
If you are ready and willing, click here and schedule a “Fearless Strategy Session,” and you’ll be on your way to more fulfillment, confidence and passion than you’ve ever experienced!
Also, download my Being Fearless Cheat Sheet to help you bust through your fears!
Being Fearless,
Debbie